EDITORIAL.- A few months ago we were talking about the controversy unleashed by the American television network TLC when issuing the program "My husband is not gay", which collected the experiences of four Mormon men from Utah, three of whom are married to women despite stating that they are attracted to men but who, for moral and religious reasons, have decided to resist temptation and form heterosexual families.
It is a subject that tends to be treated with some frivolity but that does not cease to be a source of suffering both for those who hide their true desires, and for the couple who shares a depleted marriage, if not a genuine fraud.
Like it or not, homophobia continues to push many men to live an existence in which they are constantly playing a role, that of a good husband, a good father and, in short, that of a man integrated and accepted on a social level. It is not so common with women to give forced marriages to lesbians, perhaps because social pressure is not so strong.
In a study published by the New York Times some years ago it was said that the number of American women who were or had been married to a homosexual was between 1,7 and 3,5 million. Figures indicate that between approximately 17% of gais in the US conceals his homosexuality with a false marriage. Obviously the numbers skyrocket if we think of countries where homosexuality implies social exclusion or crime. Some studies point to an 90% of cases in China, for example, where women married to gais even have a motto, "The tonggi". One of them, Xiao Yao, after divorcing her gay husband, created a support website for them: the House of Wives of Gay Men in China, which offers a psychological helpline.
It is not a topic in which you can generalize or draw easy conclusions, because there are as many cases as there are couples. There is also the circumstance that some feeling of guilt for not feeling able to fully satisfy their wives on a sexual level, lead these men to try to compensate them being the perfect spouses, or almost. Dr. Marta Campo Ruano, Head of the Psychology Service of the Hospital de La Zarzuela (Madrid) and specialist in relationship problems explains “In some cases, these men try to compensate for cheating on their partners by giving them everything they want. Also sex, but there are always cracks, a deficit that usually appears in physical contact, even if unconsciously. For this reason, in addition to the shock that such a discovery produces in these women, there is also a certain relief when putting the pieces together and understanding sexual disinterest.
Some couples choose to separate the physical plane from the emotional plane and continue to share everything that connects them regardless of how they get satisfaction from each other. It is not easy, but before making rash decisions it is good to sit down and talk calmly and if it is necessary to seek the help of a specialist.
Editorial Gayles.tv
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I believe and I think that the main reason that many men decide to hide their homosexuality is social pressure, derived from the cultural and religious education that is received from the family, as well as the theories that the church promoted about "divine" theories. that according to what I write a "god".
good what is clear is that each couple is different. There is also the case of men who decide to break up because they can no longer live that "double life" at an older age. call it midlife crisis, relationship problems ...
it is to start over ... how to meet people, how to flirt, how to dress, how to behave ... they have to acquire all those habits. It is a tough process, and how can you help?
I have a friend whose father was violent and alcoholic, he beat her mother for years and her 4 children, he started fights in the neighborhood bars, everything bad that you can think of. And suddenly, when she already had a family destroyed by a whole series of traumas, when the average age of the children was more than 20 years, she decided through her youngest son to come out of the closet, go live with a man and bring At 56 years old, a great life. And his children, when asked about their father, say truly atrocious things NOT because he is gay, but because he is bitter and dragged his wife and 4 children into a miserable life full of both physical and psychological violence and traumas that have not gone away with him. the years. Her mother has not rebuilt her life and everyone has consequences. So, trying to be a perfect husband to compensate for other shortcomings, as the report says, allow me to doubt it.
I am married and I have led a double life, to the point that I couldn't stand it anymore cheating on my wife and my children. The only thing I did was sit them all down and tell them about my situation, it's normal that they would be left speechless... To which My wife and I decided to separate for a little over a week. And thanks to her, she looked for me and tried to solve the thing, we are still together and so far we are doing well, even sexually better than before. The only thing I say is that you can overdo it. having experience with people of the same sex, it is life and it is within the law of humanity, we are aware of the damage you do to your partner but some adventures from time to time is not a sin, as long as you carry it out with your partner. There is than live life