"You will not have my hatred": the speech of the widower of the policeman who died in Paris moves France
GAYLES.TV | "As far as I'm concerned, I suffer without hatred." The speech of Etienne Cardiles, widower of Xavier Jugelé, the policeman killed on Thursday in the Champs Elysees, has shocked France in the solemn tribute that took place this Tuesday in the Prefecture of Paris.
Cardiles has acknowledged that the loss of his partner has caused him "extreme and deep pain" that he hopes will happen "one day." Jugelé, 37, was a defender of homosexual rights. He was a member of Flag, an LGTB police association and had participated in protests against Russia for banning homosexual propaganda.
Transcript of Etienne Cardiles's speech in the homage to his de facto partner, Xavier Jugelé, victim of the Paris attack of 21 in April:
ETIENNE CARDILES
Xavier, on Thursday morning, as usual, I went to work while you were still asleep. During the day we send each other messages about our vacation plan, a trip to a country so far away that you told me you were impatient to do because you've never been so far. Visa details and our worries about finding accommodation filled our messages with a happy frenzy, as we had our plane tickets booked since Tuesday.
You started your service at two in the afternoon, wearing that uniform you cared for so much because your appearance to maintain order should be irreproachable. Your comrades and you had received as mission to unite to the police station of the Eighth District, where you should, as so many times, watch over public safety on the beautiful Avenue Champs Elysees. They had been assigned the number 102 of the avenue, in front of the Cultural Institute of Turkey. I know that this type of missions you liked, because they were the Fields, was the image of France: it was the culture that you protected.
At that moment, in that place, the worst happened, for you and your companions. One of those events that everyone fears and that everyone hopes will never come.
I have come home in the afternoon, without you, with extreme and deep pain that maybe one day will calm down, I don't know. That pain has made me feel closer than ever to your colleagues, who suffer like you, in silence, like me, in silence. And as for me, I suffer without hatred. I borrow that formula from Antoine Leiris (the husband of one of the Bataclan victims who left his testimony in a book), since his immense wisdom in the face of pain admired me so much that I read and reread his sentences a few months ago. It is a life lesson that made me grow and that protects me today.
As the first messages appeared informing Parisians that a serious event was taking place on the Champs-Élysées and that a policeman had died, a small voice told me that it was you, and reminded me of that generous and healing formula: my hatred. That hatred, Xavier, I do not have it because it does not resemble you, because it does not correspond at all with what made your heart beat, or with what a policeman made of you, a guardian of the peace, because the general interest, serving others and protecting everyone were part of your education and your convictions, and you knew that tolerance and dialogue were your best weapons. Because behind the policeman was the man, since we only became policemen by choice. The choice to help others, to protect society and to fight injustices. That noble mission, which the Police undertakes and which is often misunderstood.
As a citizen, before I even met you, I already admired her. This profession of police is the only one referred to in the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen. In its article 12, it points out this evidence: "The guarantee of the Rights of Man and the Citizen needs a public force", with a precision that is useful at this politically important moment: "This force is constituted for the benefit of all, and not for the private use of those to whom it has been entrusted. It is the vision that we both shared of this profession, but it is only one side of the man you were.
The other side of the man was a world of culture and joy, where cinema and music occupied an immense place. Five movie sessions on a gorgeous sunny day in August were not scary. And always in the original version for the purist that you were with that language, English, that you wanted to speak to perfection. You chained the concerts, sometimes following the artists on a complete tour. Céline Dion was your star, Zazie, Madonna, Britney Spears and so many others made our windows vibrate. The theater transported you and lived it fully. No cultural experience took you back. Even the worst of the films saw it the day of the release, until the end, regardless of its quality. A life of joy and immense smiles, in which love and tolerance reigned as undisputed masters. That star life you leave her like a star.
I want to tell your colleagues that I feel very close to them. I want to tell your police chiefs that I have seen the sincerity in their eyes and the humanity in their gestures. I want to say to all those struggling to prevent this from happening that I know their guilt and their sense of failure, and that they must continue to fight for peace. I want to say to all those who have transferred their affection, your parents and me, that we deeply appreciate it. I want to tell your family that we are united. And our closest ones, those who have been so worried about me, who have been so worried about us, that they are magnificently worthy of you. I want to tell you that you will be in my heart forever. I love you. Let us remain worthy and pay attention to peace. And let us keep the peace.
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